We went to breakfast at a restaurant.
The Seniors Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
“Sounds good,” my wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”
“Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering à la carte,” the waitress warned her.
“You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?” my wife asked incredulously.
“YES!” stated the waitress.
“I’ll take the special then,” my wife said.
“How do you want your eggs?” the waitress asked.
“Raw and in the shell,” my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
Don’t mess with seniors!
A woman was driving through the countryside late at night when her car broke down.
About a mile down the road, she came to an old farmhouse. Two elderly men came out.
“Can we help ya, miss?”
“Yes, my car broke down about a mile back. Could you drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?”
“The town’s all shut up right now, but we can take you in the morning. You can spend the night with us.”
The woman thought: “Well, I really don’t have a choice. Besides, I can handle myself.” So she agreed.
“You know, miss, we’ve only got one bed in this house, so you’ll have to sleep with us…”
The woman thought to herself that she liked the look of these two country boys, and consented to sleep with them.
As they were taking their clothes off, the woman said,
“By the way, you DO have protection, don’t you?”
“Protection? What’s that?”
“You know, cond0ms.”
“Well, what’re they for?”
“It’s so I don’t get pregnant.”
“We’re simple country folk, miss. I’m afraid we don’t know about those things.”
“Well, it just so happens that I have two here in my purse. Here, put them on.”
“Hmm… well, alright,” they said.
The three of them got into bed and did their thing all night. The next morning, the brothers drove the woman into town, where she got her car repaired, blew them a kiss, and drove off.
About a month later, the two elderly brothers were sitting out on their porch watching the sunset, looking sweaty and uncomfortable. Suddenly, one of them turns to the other and says
“Ed, do you remember that lady that drove through here about a month ago?”
“Yep. She was really good, wasn’t she?”
“Yep.”
Say, do you really care if she gets pregnant?”
“Not really.”
“Well, then, let’s take these darn things off!”
