“Dear Mom and Dad,
I’m sorry to have to tell you like this, but I’m eloping with my new boyfriend Muhammad.
I’ve finally found true love, and he’s just great! I especially love his cute piercings, sexy scars, cool tattoos and his big motorcycle!
And that’s not all – I’m expecting a child with Muhammad, and I’m already three months pregnant.
We’re going to settle down in his trailer, and he says that he wants even more children. I’m so happy!!! And guess what? We’re going to get married next week!
He’s also explained to me that weed isn’t as bad as some people make it out to be, so now we’re growing 18 plants behind our trailer. We’ll have enough for him and his friends, and in return, they’ll give us as many pills as we want.
I do hope that they find a cure for herpes soon, so that Muhammad can get better – he really deserves it. Don’t worry about money – Muhammad’s friends Juan and Stanislav are in the movie business, and they’ve arranged for me to become an actress!
The job pays pretty well, 50 dollars per take, and I get another 50 if there are more than three men in the same scene. So don’t worry about me – I’m 16-years-old and can take care of myself.
The next time I come to visit, you’ll get to see your grandchild!
xoxo, Anna
P.S. Dad, none of this is true – I only popped over to Emma’s place to watch some TV. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than The Patriots losing to The Eagles!
See you in a bit!”
If this didn’t put a smile on your face, we don’t know what will.
