Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forget.
The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says,
“Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”
Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny’s’ dad comes home from work a few hours early.
Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically,
“Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying!!”
His father says,
“Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying?”
“Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s’ balloons and she’s screaming, “Oh God, I’m coming!”
A blonde who wanted to earn money decided to work as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch,” he said. “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes, and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all of those dumb blonde jokes.”
A few hours later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already??” the startled husband asked?
“Yes,” the blonde replied. “And I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
“Thank you,” the blonde said. “And, by the way, that’s not a Porch, it’s an Audi.
