HOW TO START A FIGHT
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in
bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered. I then said,
‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby
table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took to drinking right after
we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?” And then the fight started…
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else
to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute,
and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you
finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said ,”Dust.”
And then the fight started.
