Dear Diary: A Week in the Kitchen with Jake
**MONDAY**
Cooking for my husband is such a joy! Today, I made angel food cake. The recipe said to “beat 12 eggs separately,” so I borrowed extra bowls from the neighbors and got cracking—literally. Jake walked in just as I was juggling eggs. He didn’t say a word, just slowly backed out of the kitchen.
**TUESDAY**
Jake asked for fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said “serve without dressing,” so I didn’t wear any. Imagine my shock when Jake walked in with his boss! I guess I should start reading the whole recipe before following instructions too literally.
**WEDNESDAY**
Rice night! The instructions said to “wash thoroughly before steaming.” So, I hopped in the shower. The rice tasted normal, but at least I felt extra refreshed. Jake just sighed and muttered something about pre-marital cooking lessons.
**THURSDAY**
Jake wanted salad again, so I found a new recipe. It said: “Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.” That’s when Jake caught me lying on the table, covered in lettuce. He didn’t even ask. Just walked out and poured himself a drink.
**FRIDAY**
I found a cookie recipe that said to “put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it.” I did—literally. Punched the dough a few times and walked away. When I came back, everything looked the same. I think the recipe was defective. Jake just sat there, head in his hands.
**SATURDAY**
Jake went grocery shopping and brought home a whole chicken. He told me to “dress it for Sunday.” Not sure why he looked so horrified when I put a tiny bowtie on it. Now, he keeps counting to ten before speaking to me.
**SUNDAY**
Jake’s parents came for dinner, and I wanted to impress them with a roast. But all I had was ground beef. Lightbulb moment—I popped the hamburger in the oven and set it to “roast.” It still came out as hamburger. Jake’s mom just patted my hand and said, “Bless your heart.”
**GOOD NIGHT, DEAR DIARY**
What a week! I can’t wait for tomorrow—I’ve found a new recipe for chocolate mousse. If only we had a bigger oven, I could finally surprise Jake with a full-sized Chocolate Moose
