An elderly man in town had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he Came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women sk*nny-d*pp*ng in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim n*k*d or make you get out of the p*nd n*k*d.. Holding the bucket up, he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’
Some old men can still think fast !
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A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read,
“I’m the Boss”.
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said.
“Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees wasn’t in and had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper:
“Hello?”
“Is your daddy home?” He asked.
“Yes.” Whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?”
The child whispered. “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked. “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes .”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered. “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked.
“Is anybody else there?”
“Yes.” Whispered the child. “A policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked.
“May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy.” Whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.” Came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked.
“What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” Answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” Demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered.
“The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated the boss asked:
“What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…
“Me.”
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