A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of Morrisons Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street and at the end turn to your right.” The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new minister in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get To Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Awww, come on… You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
How Many Sheep Do I Have?
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
“If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
“You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. “You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog.”
Bottom line blonde took dog thinking this is sheep – punchline is clear enough, person is pretending to be smarter than they are.
Some of the alternative joke start look like:
A farmer named Sid was overseeing his stock in a remote moorland pasture in North Yorkshire When suddenly a brand new BMW advanced towards him out of a cloud of dust The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Rayban sunglasses and YSL tie, Leant out of the window and asked the farmer, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” Sid looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, “sure,why not?”
…
Some of the alternative endings look like:
“You`re a Management Consultant”, says the farmer.
“Wow! That`s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the farmer. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don`t know a thing about cows… this is a herd of sheep.”
A Beautiful Young Woman Wearing A Tight Skirt.
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her embarrassment, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, an elderly man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
“How dare you to touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The elderly guy smiled and drawled,
“Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends.”
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Snappy Waitress Gets Outsmarted By Clever Senior
Far too often, many younger folks underestimate seniors. They think that just because people move and talk a little slower than they used to that, they are easy to push around. However, nothing can be further from the truth as many seniors have minds that are even sharper than when they were younger. However, every day people make the mistake of thinking that seniors are easy pickings only to learn a lesson in respect the hard way. In this joke, a waitress thinks she’s gotten the best of an older customer, little does she know that this “old” lady knows a thing or two about a thing or two!
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns, and toast for $2.99.
‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’
‘I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ said the waitress.
‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ my wife asked incredulously.
YES!’ stated the waitress.
‘I’ll take the special then,’ my wife said.
‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.
‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!
Teacher Accidentally Shows Too Much Skin to the Wrong Student
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th-grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?”
“I just saw one of your garters!”.
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, I don’t want to see you for three days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Billy?”
“I just saw both of your garters!”
Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time, there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly tur4ns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“Where do you think you’re going,” she asks.
“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”
