There’s so much relationship advice out there about how to improve your relationship, but what about the things that can harm your relationship or even contribute to a breakup?
Extensive couples research has shown with high accuracy that some behaviours can spell the certain death of a relationship.
So what are some of these surefire behaviours that will destroy a relationship? Check out seven common behaviors that can destroy a marriage or long-term relationship
1. You Communicate Poorly or Not at All
No one will be surprised to learn that poor communication degrades relationships. If one or both members of a couple feel unheard, put down, or shut out, it’s difficult if not impossible to build connection.
Unhealthy communication has many faces within marriage. In some cases, it can look like an inability to talk with your spouse about how you’re really feeling. This can eventually lead to volatile emotions. “Without being able to express feelings on a regular basis, small issues turn into suppressed, bottled-up emotions that boil over into explosive conflict when least expected,”
.“If the conversation is too intense for partners to have respect for each other, then a short break in the conversation is needed, so that everyone can remain physiologically calm.”
2. You Let Outsiders Gain Too Much Influence on Your Marriage
A healthy marriage needs a support system of relatives and friends — but some external relationships can exert undue influence. A parent, friend, or even a child can hold inappropriate sway over your marriage. “When a third party becomes too involved in a couple’s decision-making process, it can lead to conflicts and decisions that may not align with the couple’s own values and priorities.” “The presence of a third party can erode trust. If one partner feels like their opinions and preferences are consistently overridden, they may lose trust in their spouse’s commitment to the relationship.”
3. You’re Not on the Same Page About Money
It’s okay if you and your partner have some differing ideas about money — but being on totally opposing pages about finances puts a serious strain on your relationship. Everyday life entails innumerable decisions about money, so disparate financial philosophies may cause daily struggle.
Though it’s normal (and even healthy) for couples to have some strongly worded discussions about money, a healthy relationship is marked by the way it handles these conflicts. Again, clear communication is key. “Couples need to discuss the value and meaning of money in their lives, and what it symbolizes for them. Couples almost always differ in terms of their weekly spending habits and can disagree or have ‘fair fights’ about those topics.” As long as you’re striving to understand each other and working toward compromise, she says, financial disagreements don’t have to drive you apart.
4. You Let Apathy Creep In, or You Fall Into a Rut
As innocuous as apathy might sound, feelings of ennui can be just as damaging to marriage as red-hot anger.
Apathy can creep in when you and your spouse neglect quality time together, don’t share interests, or simply fall into a rut. “While stability is essential, excessive routine can lead to feelings of monotony and disinterest.” “External stressors such as work, financial issues, or family problems can also divert attention and emotional energy away from the marriage.” Long-term unresolved conflicts or resentments can eventually create emotional distance, too. If partners don’t feel supported or validated, they may withdraw emotionally from the relationship.
To keep the spark alive in your marriage, counteract apathy with a bit of excitement. Surprise your partner occasionally with gestures, small gifts, or surprises. It also helps to focus on the things you have in common. “Identify common goals or projects that you can work on together. Collaborating on shared objectives can strengthen your bond.” And of course, regularly communicating with your partner about your feelings, needs, and desires keeps your connection strong.
